Bah!! Pooh!! – Diabetes

I am cranky and crabby.

A wild, wet day  – so cold the heater is on.

Sorting through and filing papers

Throwing out what I don’t need

Reading articles in “Conquest”

Diabetes – bah!! pooh!!

Eat less, exercise  more

All these other things that can be wrong with me – sleep apneoa, vitamin D deficiency, calcium deficiency

No worries – take this supplement, take that supplement.

I am a pot of gold for the pharmaceuticals industry.

22nd of November 2008

In Melbourne, November is late spring so it had no right to be so cold!

“Conquest” is a magazine published by Diabetes Australia.

This is how I have felt for most of today.

Yesterday, I visited the Endocronologist.

Things went relatively well until the vexed question of my weight came up.

The Endo keen that I reach the ‘correct’ weight – whatever that may be.

I know I don’t want to participate in this conversation.  The anger and resentment of having diabetes rushes to the surface.

I leave enraged.

That evening, a minor incident triggers a melt down – sobbing and tears – then sadness, hopelessness and despair which infuse my mood today.

A deeper vulnerability has been touched: never being good enough.

 My body is never good enough: not tall enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough.

4th March 2011

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2 Responses

  1. Thank you for your thoughtful reflections Evea (eremophila). It is easy for the demons to raise their heads when feeling vulnerable.

  2. I’ve been thinking this over, in the days since you first posted it. Do hope you are feeling a little more settled now. Feeling not good enough was something I struggled with for much of my life, until I finally realised I was trying to please the wrong people. Slowly I’m learning to measure me by my own scale, not someone else’s. And you know what? Most of the time I don’t measure up too badly. I know I’m generally doing the best I can. Not perfect, but the best I can. I reckon you are also. 🙂

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