Bah!! Pooh!! – Diabetes

I am cranky and crabby.

A wild, wet day  – so cold the heater is on.

Sorting through and filing papers

Throwing out what I don’t need

Reading articles in “Conquest”

Diabetes – bah!! pooh!!

Eat less, exercise  more

All these other things that can be wrong with me – sleep apneoa, vitamin D deficiency, calcium deficiency

No worries – take this supplement, take that supplement.

I am a pot of gold for the pharmaceuticals industry.

22nd of November 2008

In Melbourne, November is late spring so it had no right to be so cold!

“Conquest” is a magazine published by Diabetes Australia.

This is how I have felt for most of today.

Yesterday, I visited the Endocronologist.

Things went relatively well until the vexed question of my weight came up.

The Endo keen that I reach the ‘correct’ weight – whatever that may be.

I know I don’t want to participate in this conversation.  The anger and resentment of having diabetes rushes to the surface.

I leave enraged.

That evening, a minor incident triggers a melt down – sobbing and tears – then sadness, hopelessness and despair which infuse my mood today.

A deeper vulnerability has been touched: never being good enough.

 My body is never good enough: not tall enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough.

4th March 2011

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2 Responses

  1. I’ve been thinking this over, in the days since you first posted it. Do hope you are feeling a little more settled now. Feeling not good enough was something I struggled with for much of my life, until I finally realised I was trying to please the wrong people. Slowly I’m learning to measure me by my own scale, not someone else’s. And you know what? Most of the time I don’t measure up too badly. I know I’m generally doing the best I can. Not perfect, but the best I can. I reckon you are also. 🙂

  2. Thank you for your thoughtful reflections Evea (eremophila). It is easy for the demons to raise their heads when feeling vulnerable.

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